Monkey Humor

My son has a learning problem that we had been referred to a doctor for. So we went in and while I spoke to the doctor my son played with the toys in the corner of the office. Once the appointment was finished my son and I were walking out when he asked me what the doctor had said. So I thought for a minute about how to try to make it a light subject without my son feeling like he was in trouble or stupid. So my answer was "well son its like this, you were not born a little boy you were really born a monkey" he looks away and seem to think about this then a light bulb goes off and he looks at me and says nah. I have no idea why my kids never believe me when I tell them things. But to this day every time we go to the doctors I say "yep still a monkey"

Cooking disasters

When I moved out of home I was 16 and all I had been taught to cook were boiled eggs, scrambled eggs and poached eggs. By the end of the first week of being out of home I was egged out. SO I had to start teaching myself to cook. My biggest disaster was I was making curried sausages from scratch (no pre-made packets). The recipe asked for 3/4 of a cup of beef stock. So I had a container of beef stock powder and added 3/4 cup of beef stock. This left me with a very dry powder mix on my sausages. It was then my flatmate that came in asking what I was trying to cover the sausages with that I then learned that Beef stock is a liquid and that I should of added water to a small amount of powder to make up 3/4 of a cup of beef stock. My family has not let me live it down even now 16 years later.

But I remember one night my boyfriend was teasing me about it and a friend told me she had one to top that. She had been flatting with her boyfriend and one of his friends. The friend asked if he could cook dinner, Since she was the only female in the house she was happy to hand him the apron. So he decided to cook sausages, veggies and mash potato. She asked him if it was ok if he could add cheese to the mashed potato. He said no worries. So when dinner was served they started eating. She could not taste the cheese and asked him if he added it. He said yeah but most of it drained out with the water after they were cooked not realising he was meant to put it in the potato after it was mashed.

Has anyone else got any funny stories of cooking disasters.

Sight for sore eyes

I was extremely amused one day when my husband told me this story. One day he had to get his eyes tested. So he took himself to the optometrist. He had been wearing glasses for years and needed to check out the strength of his prescription. So he walked into the optometrist that he had been seeing for many years and told the lady at the counter he was there for his eye test. The lady at the counter then starts to laugh and states that she definitely thinks he needs to see the eye doctor asap as he was currently standing in the jewelers. The optometrist was next door.

Priceless Humor that a child can provide us

My daughter and I had moved into a new house. I was in the process of starting to unpack the boxes and arrange the furniture. My daughter who was 15months old and just crawling, was investigating the new house. After a short time I heard her crying upstair and I went to investigate. She had managed to crawl into the bathroom and had her finger stuck in the plug hole. I started to panic with visions of the fire department having to come out and rip our drains and shower apart. Now since we had only just finished the last load of furnture half an hour before and being in that load the fridge. This ment we had no ice or anything cold enough to put on her finger to slow the swelling. So I raced to the neighbour house. I had not even had a chance to introduce my self at this stage. No picture this a women who was close to hysterical and some one they had never seen before asking for ice. One I could explain enough to then they checked and discovered that they had no ice. All they had was an ice block. So we all decided that at this point it would have to do. So I raced home with the ice block. One entering the house my daughter was still crying. I entered the room and as soon as my daughter spotted the ice block she preceded to uncurl her finger and pull it out of the plug hole.

The embarassing words of a child

If you have children there at least has to be a handful of time when you wish that you would be able to sink into the ground after they have said somethings embarrasing. My daughter has a nack for doing it and this started from a young age. The most memorable one for me was when she would have been about three years old and we had friends over to watch the new Austin Power movie. This was the one where the fat bastard made his first apperance. One of my friends had brought a friend of hers with her that i had not meet before. This person was a rather large person. Now you can probable all guess what I gem of a daughter said. When the scene with the fat bastard came on she pipes up and says oh look thats you on tv. All I could do was try and sink further into my lounge and hide.

All glued up

I once worked with a lady who would do some very strange and very silly things. One of her finest mistakes was when she ordered some envelopes for the use of posting mail for the company. She was having some problems with getting the envelopes to stick after she had licked them. So she returned them to the supplier and got another box to replace. The same thing happened. So when she went to return them the suplier asked what had been going wrong. Once she explained that the glue was not working because they would not stick once she had licked them. This was when the supplier informed her she had been licking self sticking envelopes and had in fact been licking off the glue.

Hilarious things to say from the mouths of babes

One day while waiting in the car with my son who at the time was only about 3 years old, he became bored so i suggested he come up the front and pretend to drive. So after a while of doing this he was getting restless so I said to him what he needs to do is put on his shades and roll down the window then put his arm on the window frame and we can go cruising for chicks. He loved the game. So a few days later I was taking my kids in the car when I heard my son say to his sister what u need to do is put the window down and put your arm on the window frame and we can go cruising for ducks. 5 minutes later I still had tears rolling down my face.

Straw up the nose

I can remember this as one of my most embarrassing social slip ups ever. While out one night I was trying to impress a man who was friends with the people I went out with. So most of the night i was keeping him engaged in witty and interesting conversations (at least I think so). When at one point I forgot that the drink I was drinking from, had a straw in it. So I preceded to take a drink and the straw went up my nose. This left me with a guy I was trying to impress calling me nostrils all night and me with a very red face.